and i'm living like there's no tomorrow.

sometimes, i do chide myself for being too soft-hearted to others, thereby letting them step over my head, and taking advantage of me. yet, its kinda of like i know about it, but i'm not doing anything or much about it. it sucks.

chatted with a few pals online last night. in one of them, we talked about the problems surfacing amongst us, whether does each of us actually realise it, but yet does not take any actions, or if the others are probably still ignorant of it. for me, i guess i'm just too tired. i admit i myself do not wish to put in any more efforts into it, cause i just dont feel the bond that tightly anymore. i might have want to do something to salvage it, but since things have turned out to be this way, i guess we should just leave things as they are. its really sad, but i guess we all had a part to play for the way things turned out to be...

thinking back abt wss actually brings back many sad memories, apart from those happy ones. the regretness i had over a lost friendship... not being able to do anything much about it... sad how things turn out between the 2 of us.. upset how i wasnt really part of the group when everyone else were.. disappointed that people whom i cared for and treated as good friends failed to understand my feelings.. sad that actually sec sch life wasnt that great after all. fun it was, but it was never meaningful..

i think its really sad how we cant 'show' our true self to others. how we need to protect ourselves.. how we are so particular about how others view us.. how people still judge others' by their appearance. yes, no doubt i am not pretty, nor beautiful, nor attractive as the others, yet i have a kind heart. but how many would actually 'see' this? i dont know. i dont have the answer. what i can do is be proud of myself. learn to be more confident of myself. if others fail to appreciate me, then i guess i cant do much about it too.

in fact, life in nyp isnt great either. the talk with the class did help, in some way or another, but nevertherless, most of the things still remain the same. in fact, whats hurting is people whom i considered close to me dont really understand how i feel. and yet there are others whom i'm not very close to, but could see the hurt i'm gg thru...

life is just so contradicting. i want to be truly happy.. and i have a long way to work towards that. close friends or even friends near to me are not feeling good, and i feel sad that i cant do much to help them. the only thing i can do is to offer my moral support.

that should be all for now. got to do my revision.

till then.